its all just vanity.: June 2011

insignificant

Stop

Listen

Silence

And then there’s the wind

Look up

Gaze into

The sky

And

You

Small

Unseen

An ant that scurries in circles

A grain of sand among infinity

And you think you matter

You think you’re going somewhere… where?

You expend yourself for what?

You’re just going to rot and turn back to dirt

Be forgotten

Be nothing.

Remembered for a few seconds in eternity by whom?

A few other walking corpses?

All your ambition

Everything you’ve been told you should accomplish

Fulfilling the expectations of dust

Be still

Look up

Find your insignificance

There in is reality.

You are a passing shadow

Dust in the wind

Mist in the air

You are nothing.

Yet even as nothing

You exist

Created

That in your helpless state

All the universe

Can see

Your

Sustainer

As stars like crystals suspended in space

We gaze upon their

Beauty

Just to

Wonder

Where

They

Were

Birthed

And

How they

Can

Remain

So remember

And reflect

Escape

The lie

That

You

Are for

Anything

But

Cause

The world

To wonder

Wonder

How

You

Were

Brought

To be.

You

Are

Because

Your

Creator

Is.

There you are and here I am.

you

so holy

so perfect

righteous

the author of wisdom

incomprehensible

created

yet fallen

bent towards failure

stubborn

and stupid

broken

where

how

can these two meet?

there is nothing

i can do

but like a

baby bird

cranes its

wobbly neck

towards

its mother

and then exhaustedly

collapses.

and there you are

and here

am.

Stay positive

The sunshine is coming

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Fly away

“

for so long I’ve been crashing
crashing and burning
driving down dead end roads
building castles made of sand
just to watch them wash away
but i believe
believe in better

and im ready to fly away
im ready to fly away
fly away to you
just say you want me too
and we’ll fly away

you’re real as far as i can see
you're right as rain

and you're right for me
lets take the leap
see where this goes
didn’t see this coming anymore than you
didn’t know my dreams could really come true
but now i know
yeah i know better

and im ready to fly away
we’re ready to fly away
fly into the blue
because you want me too
we’re flyin away

”

.............yeah its not for anyone its just something i came up with ;]

a painting of words

For so long I struggled in vain-

Vain attempts to disguise the weakness;

Building walls to keep the condescending at bay.

Hiding myself behind a mirage of strength,

I was falling apart inside.

The vulnerability could no longer be repressed,

And like a fragile bud breaks through from the earth,

I crept out of the prison I had built...

Freedom was my oxygen

Exploding like air into gasping lungs I began to breathe.

The world was new and my eyes raced to capture its beauty!

I was free; the chains of human expectations no longer restraining.

Yet like an innocent child will venture with fearless wonder-

And adventure holds no risks to the bright eyes of the young,

Trials circled above seeking the tender sprouts of trust that grew from my soul.

Looming were the clouds of affliction

And heavy upon my faith raindrops of suffering fell.

I questioned the pain.

I feared the discomfort!

Franticly searching for an escape,

I turned to rebuild the remains of my cage.

But faintly my untrained ear heard a voice...

So I stood quiet, my trembling soul was still.

And I saw it unveiled in my silence... a mighty fortress-

Its gate lowered like eager arms it stood anticipating my approach!

I stood like a startled deer- I quivered on the brink of flight.

But the gentle call and quiet assurance drew me step by step

This peaceful stronghold gathered me in.

Now I’ve found security,

A safe hiding place for my soul!

It surrounds my heart,

And I am shielded.

Those who seek my downfall cannot overthrow its protection!

I am comforted in the love that surrounds me,

I am confident in the strength of my defender;

And though I face the impossible and I fight its fearful blows-

I am unscathed.

Forever, I am embedded in the unfailing,

And I am preserved.

j.b.

You know sometimes when you read the Bible its easy for your eyes to glaze over and kinda skim read instead of understand read.. FOR me anyhow.. So this was something I did that just like makes the Bible so personal to me...

To: Jen

From: John

My dear Jen,

I am writing this to you so that you will not sin.

But if you do sin, you have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. He himself is the sacrifice that atones for your sins—and not only your sins but the sins of all the world.

And you can be sure that you know him if you obey his commandments.

If you claim, “I know God,” but you don't obey God’s commandments, then you are a liar and are not living in the truth. But if you obey God’s word you truly show how completely you love him. That is how you know you are living in him. If you say you live in God you should live your life just as Jesus did.

Dear Jen, I am not writing a new commandment for you; rather it is an old one you have had from the very beginning. This old commandment—to love one another—is the same message you heard before. Yet it is also new. Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you also are living it. For the darkness is disappearing, and the true light is already shining.

If you claim, “I am living in the light,” but hate a Christian brother or sister,you are still living in darkness. If you love another brother or sister you are living in the light and you do not cause others to stumble. But if you hate another brother or sister you are still living and walking in darkness. If such is the case you do not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness.

I am writing to you - God’s child

because your sins have been forgiven through Jesus.

I am writing to you because you are mature in the faith

because you know Christ, who existed from the beginning.

I am writing to you who are young in the faith

because you have won your battle with the evil one.

I have written to you- God’s child

because you know the Father.

I have written to you who are mature in the faith

because you know Christ, who existed from the beginning.

I have written to you who are young in the faith

because you are strong.

God’s word lives in your heart,

and you have won your battle with the evil one.

Jen,Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But if you do what pleases God you will live forever.

Dear Jen, the last hour is here. You have heard that the Antichrist is coming, and already many such antichrists have appeared. From this we know that the last hour has come. These people left our churches, but they never really belonged with us; otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left, it proved that they did not belong with us.

But you are not like that, for the Holy One has given you his Spirit, and you know the truth. So I am writing to you not because you don’t know the truth but because you know the difference between truth and lies. And who is a liar? Anyone who says that Jesus is not the Christ. Anyone who denies the Father and the Son is an antichrist.Anyone who denies the Son doesn’t have the Father, either. But anyone who acknowledges the Son has the Father also.

So Jen, you must remain faithful to what you have been taught from the beginning. If you do, you will remain in fellowship with the Son and with the Father. And in this fellowship you will enjoy the eternal life he promised us.

I am writing these things to warn you about those who want to lead you astray. But you have received the Holy Spirit,and he lives within you, so you don’t need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true—it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.

And now, dear Jen, remain in fellowship with Christ so that when he returns, you will be full of courage and not shrink back from him in shame.

Since you know that Christ is righteous, you also know that all who do what is right are God’s children.

always your friend

Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’m not there

Just because I don’t say much doesn’t mean I don’t care

I know you got pain, you got battles raging inside

But I’m here as your friend and I’m gonna stay by your side

Don’t be fooled by the space by the miles between

I got my arms round your shoulders even though it’s unseen

Trust me …. just words to you now.. But soon you’ll understand

When it all seems imperfect is when I’m your biggest fan.

You’re gonna push me away ,Cause you feel safer alone

You mask how you feel clear down to the bone.

But I’m not fooled dear, see you can’t hide your eyes

I won’t be scared off although I know you will try.

It’s okay; go alone to the space in your mind.

Sort through all the shit of your hell, grit and grime.

It’s when you come back, when you need me again…

I’ll just be waiting right here.

Cause I’m always your friend.

j.b.

silence

Her chest constricts ,she can hardly breathe.

The darkness of the room she can taste

She suffocates on the space around her.

Tears ache to escape .

The knot in her throat grows

Her mind tries to stomp out every light in her soul.

She just wants a mother to hold her close,

A father to watch over and protect.

She feels like an orphan at a family reunion,

Like a bird with no nest .

Friends what are they ? Existance is just a word.

Family what is that? Just a fantasy,a mindless mirage

What is the ache inside ... this gaping hole in her chest?

Its a place empty and starving to be filled...

But even if She doesn't feel it right now..

She knows.

She knows who holds the key, who alone can complete her.....

"God" she whispers,

I'm asking you to fix me.

I'm asking you to love me.

I want you -

Just you.

I'm sorry for my wanderings....

I hate my mind when it wonders the lies.

Be my mother.

Be my father.

Be my family.

Be my friend.

Amen...

She might not feel it now but she knows.

I can relate to this

I think the lonely world that I live in was perhaps self imposed at the beginning but has now become the invisible prison that I can never escape. When all we yearn for is a single soul to understand our own, the greatest pain is realizing it will never be. There is no one around me that I can feel that connected to, or share my heart with and in the absence of that emotional warmth, I only have the cold expanse of the Internet to document my human condition.